As a prompt for self-improvement, I’m sharing ten basic rules for better conversations as highlighted by Celeste Headlee, American radio journalist, author, and public speaker, in her Ted Talk. 

#1. Don’t Multitask. This point is not just about setting down your cell phone, tablet, car keys, or whatever is in your hand. Be present. Be in that moment. Don’t think about the argument you had with your boss. Don’t think about what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of it, but don’t be half in it and half out of it.

#2. Don’t Pontificate. Write a blog if you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response, argument, pushback, or growth. You must enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn—the famed therapist M. Scott Peck said that authentic listening requires a setting aside of oneself. Sometimes, that means setting aside your personal opinion. He said that by sensing this acceptance, the speaker would become less vulnerable and more likely to open up the inner recesses of their mind to the listener. Again, assume that you have something to learn.

#3. Use Open-Ended Questions. Take a cue from journalists. Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. You will get a simple answer if you put in a complicated question. If I ask you, “Were you terrified?” you’re going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is “terrified,” and the answer is “Yes, I was” or “No, I wasn’t.” “Were you angry?” “Yes, I was furious.” Let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like, “What was that like?” “How did that feel?” Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.

#4. Go with The Flow. That means thoughts will come into your mind, and you need to let them go out of your mind. We’ve often heard interviews where a guest is talking for several minutes, and then the host comes back in and asks a question that seems like it comes out of nowhere or has already been answered. That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this clever question and was just bound and determined to say that. And we do the same thing. We’re sitting there talking with someone, and then we remember when we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop. Stories and ideas will come to you, and it would help if you let them come and let them go.

#5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Now, people on the radio are much more aware that they’re going on the record, so they’re more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they know for sure. Do that. Err on the side of caution. Talk should not be cheap.

#6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about losing a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them how much you hate your job. It’s not the same, and it is never the same. All experiences are individual. And more importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered. Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, “I have no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers.” Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.

#7. Try not to repeat yourself. It’s condescending and boring, and we tend to do it a lot. Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we keep rephrasing it over and over. Don’t do that. 

#8. Stay out of the weeds. Frankly, people don’t care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you’re struggling to come up with in your mind. What they care about is you and what you’re like, and the things you have in common. So forget the details, and leave them out.

#9. Listen. This point is not the last one, but it is the most important one. Listen. I cannot tell you how many people have said that listening is perhaps the most essential skill you could develop. Buddha said, and I’m paraphrasing, “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.” And Calvin Coolidge said, “No man ever listened his way out of a job.” 

Why don’t we listen to each other? – because we’d rather talk. When I’m talking, I’m in control. I don’t have to hear anything I’m not interested in, and I’m the centre of attention. I can bolster my own identity. But there’s another reason: We get distracted. The average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know it takes effort and energy to pay attention to someone, but if you can’t do that, you’re not in a conversation. You’re just two people shouting barely related sentences in the same place. You have to listen to one another. Stephen Covey said it very beautifully. He said, “Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply.

# 10. Be Brief A good conversation is like a miniskirt, short enough to retain interest but long enough to cover the subject. All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested in other people. Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.

I believe in goal setting and self-discovery. The best way to set goals is to ask yourself what you care about and what matters to you, You can use this insight to set goals that will allow you to find your voice, be authentic and stay true to yourself.

Goals can be classified into three categories; to be, to do and to have goals, where these classifications interlink across all areas of life. 

Be: Your be goals are about you, your character, your career, you as a parent, you as a person, your future ambitions, and how you inspire others. An example of a to be goal could be; to be more attentive to the needs of others. So here’s the question: What kind of person do you want to be? There’s no wrong answer to this question. It’s up to you to decide who you want to be. 

The more you know about who you want to be, the easier it will be to put into practice the behaviours and attitudes that will help you become that person.

Here are some questions to consider when thinking about who you want to be:

-What do you want to be known for?

-What do you want your legacy to be?

-What kind of life do you want to have?

-What do you want your epitaph to say?

Once you have a good idea of who you want to be, it’s time to start developing the habits to support you on your journey to becoming that person. There are a number of things you can do to begin to change the practices that will help you grow into who you would like to become. Jim Rohn said, “if you want to get more, you have to become more.” And Hal Elrod said, “Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development because success is something you attract by the person you become.”

Do: Do goals are about experiencing and achieving things in life. Like places you would like to visit and activities you’d like to do. Maybe live on a houseboat, circumnavigate the grand canyon, learn to play an instrument, learn yoga, run a marathon, help in a homeless shelter. I’m sure you can think of many to do things to add to your list. 

My own goals usually revolve around taking some action towards something I am passionate about, experiencing a sense of awe and wonder or feeling a sense of accomplishment. I like to feel like I’m making progress in the world and that my actions matter. 

Have: Have goals are about what you would like to own or have in your life. Own is the material things like a nice car, a home or two. Whereas, the other part of having goals is; health, friendships, freedom, and security. All of these are things that are within your control or influence, and they are things that you can choose to have or not have. It’s really up to you. 

When you have goals, you are looking not just at what you currently have but also at what you want. Goals give you a sense of priority and direction. A goal is something that you are working towards. It’s aspirational, something that you want, not something you have to settle for. 

When you have clear goals, you can start setting specific, achievable targets. Goals help us to focus our energy and to stay motivated. They give us a reason to get up in the morning. And most importantly, they help us to achieve our aims.

Inspired by, How to become more with be, do, have goals. – Lifestyle Anytime. https://lifestyleanytime.com.au/be-do-have-goals/

The importance of goal setting in life cannot be overstated. Achieving goals is an important part of our lives and it’s not just limited to those who are aspiring to become famous or rich.

Everyday, people set goals to achieve things that they want to do. They might want to learn a new language, get better grades at school, lose weight, get more friends, make money, improve their relationships, etc. These are all important goals that need to be achieved. The most important thing about goals is that you have to set them. You have to have a plan to achieve them. Otherwise, you will find yourself constantly working towards something that you are not sure if you will ever achieve. This can lead to frustration and even depression. So the first step is to write down your goals.

A good way to start is to write down a list of things that you would like to achieve in the next year. Make sure that you have realistic goals. Do not set yourself too high a goal if you are not yet experienced enough in the area that you want to achieve it in. For example, if you want to learn how to play the guitar, don’t set yourself the goal of being able to play it by the end of the year. Set yourself the goal of learning to play for 10 minutes per day and then work up from there. If you don’t have a guitar at home, buy one. It is a great investment. Once you have started playing, keep practicing everyday. Try to improve each time. Eventually, you will reach your goal.

If you are really serious about achieving your goals, then you should consider getting professional help. There are many books out there that will help you with goal setting and also with goal achievement. One such book is “The Power Of Focus” by Brian Tracy. This book has helped many people achieve success in their lives.

When setting goals, try to remember that they are not about what you want to achieve but rather what you want to become. For example, if you are looking to learn how to play the piano, you are not going to achieve this goal if you only focus on the piano. Instead, you should focus on becoming a great musician. You will achieve your goal when you become a great musician.